See New Things, Have Fun

I went to bed at 3 a.m. last night. Despite that, I woke up early enough to run 4km this morning. For that I gave myself a pat on the shoulder. Because that's what one does when he or she has done something commendable.

Neen bailed on dinner tonight. It seems that every time she bailed or said no to our dates, her family was the reason why. I admire her commitment to her family. A devotion so admirable I could never feel disappointed by the rain checks she had taken and the no-can't-do she had given me. I can't blame her for putting family first before anyone or anything else... unlike myself.

Last night, the first time I went to bed was really at 10.30 p.m.

My phone rang at midnight, waking me up. My brother was on the other line telling me that my mom got a high fever and that he was taking her to the hospital. He needed my help because he didn't know how the administrative things go, as if it requires a college degree to be able to deal with the front desk of a hospital. I grunted and told him to hand in the insurance/medical care card to the front desk and they'd take it from there. He wasn't very happy and hung up.

I was lying on my bed for a good 10 minutes before I started feeling guilty about the whole thing. What the fuck was wrong with me? My mom had septic diabetic fever and needed to be rushed to the ER and all I cared for was that I needed the rest so that I can run an extra k or two this morning. I called my bro and told him that I was putting on clothes and that I would go with him.

The whole trip to the hospital I felt like a horrible son. My mom asked me how was the Treasure Hunt competition and how did I do.  I told her we placed worse than last year and she told me "It's not really bout winning, it's about seeing new things and having fun, no?" (she said it in Bahasa Melayu of course). She was shaking, sweating and feverish... and yet she wondered how I did for the a competition that happened 4 days ago.

I had just realized then that the Treasure Hunt competition was my first time in Port Dickson. Everybody I know has been to PD, seriously who hasn't? I was so caught up with the race that I had forgotten that I was in a place that I had never been to. When I was in PD all I did was stay in my room while my team mates were doing jumping photo shoots by the beach with the sunset panorama in the back.

Tomorrow mom is undergoing a minor surgery to remove the septic in her back. I pray for her speedy recovery so that I could take her to do exactly what she reminded me to do last night in the car.

Tues Blues.

Today I actually worked. Maybe 7 out of the 8 hours I am expected to work. The remaining hour was toilet breaks, quick breakfast, making tea, casual chats and checking out a certain someone in the office.

I was explaining to Sazz (not a real name but close enough) and Vang (also not a real name) during lunch, as I gobbled up my mashed potato, that if someone suggests KFC for a meal when I'm hungry, I can't say no. It just always seems like the best of ideas when I'm hungry. My brain and heart (and belly of course) would just agree to the proposal. The only time I can say no to KFC is when someone says McDonalds instead or when I'm not too hungry. This is because fried chicken is my weakness and the key to my heart alongside durian and a well made tiramisu.

I really worked today. Even my IM chats were about work mostly. But somehow I left the office feeling like shit because it was insinuated that I didn't do enough. I obviously disagree but at this point I'm tired of trying to civilize a delusional person. I have tried doing that, other people have definitely tried longer and all the efforts are for naught. So why bother? But yet fucking ennui followed me home. Thankfully I got Bernadette Fox with me to make me smile and giggle on the way home. That bitchy ennui was just staring and waiting for me to put away Bernadette before it hit me back. I told myself, "I just need to either vent or sleep this off"

So I vented...

to multiple people.

Thor is set for Friday night while Las Vegas is for Saturday.

I want so bad to cry because I believe I would feel better after. But I can't justify any tear. Is crying something you decide to do or it just happens when it happens? I have cried before but I honestly can't recall the sequence that leads to that first tear. I remember usually having an overwhelming feeling of some sort and then...floodgate.

I don't even know what to focus my blues on. The delusional diva, the certain someone in the office, or the fact that I miss J-ho and Judo. Maybe all at once and that's why my tear ducts were confused.

I also watched the first episode of Hunting Season and I hated it. If I ever move to New York I won't visit a single gay bar ever. I'd read the Twilight series before these feet step into any gay bar in NY. And I sent the link to Neen even before I myself watched it (>_<). I should tell her not to waste 10 minutes of her life on that piece of garbage.

I found myself talking to Bernadette while I was showering today. As if she's my friend and I was giving her advice and telling her how much of a riot she is, that I 'get' her and how hilarious I find her.  It felt like she was there shaving her legs, talking to me as I was lathering my tired skin with my bamboo loofa. Then I rinsed my body and *poof* I snapped out of it. Bernadette was there no more.

I know that once I finish the book, I will pick up another book and that Bernadette will stop being my friend. Someone else will take her place. That thought alone is depressing and it warrants another piece of fried chicken.

So many things, so little time, too many places, too little resources.

I'm about to re-embark on this journey where I document my thoughts and experiences. For what reason, I'm not sure. Do I care if there's any grammatical error in my posts. Maybe not. naaah... definitely not.

So here goes the story of Fuzz and his life. Mostly recent stuff but I'm sure I'll be walking down the memory lane once in a while. As cliché as this may sound, it is also very true - Your past makes your present.

 My love, my hatred, my joy and my frustration.
 My excitement, my insouciance, my curiosity and my disinterest.
 My jubilation, my sadness, my gutsiness and my fear.
 My infatuation and my abhorrence.

My life.

 Here's to the things I did, do and will do.
 Here's to the places I was at, am now living in and will be going to.
 Here's to the people I have met, know and will probably forget. Here's to the story of me.