Tues Blues.

Today I actually worked. Maybe 7 out of the 8 hours I am expected to work. The remaining hour was toilet breaks, quick breakfast, making tea, casual chats and checking out a certain someone in the office.

I was explaining to Sazz (not a real name but close enough) and Vang (also not a real name) during lunch, as I gobbled up my mashed potato, that if someone suggests KFC for a meal when I'm hungry, I can't say no. It just always seems like the best of ideas when I'm hungry. My brain and heart (and belly of course) would just agree to the proposal. The only time I can say no to KFC is when someone says McDonalds instead or when I'm not too hungry. This is because fried chicken is my weakness and the key to my heart alongside durian and a well made tiramisu.

I really worked today. Even my IM chats were about work mostly. But somehow I left the office feeling like shit because it was insinuated that I didn't do enough. I obviously disagree but at this point I'm tired of trying to civilize a delusional person. I have tried doing that, other people have definitely tried longer and all the efforts are for naught. So why bother? But yet fucking ennui followed me home. Thankfully I got Bernadette Fox with me to make me smile and giggle on the way home. That bitchy ennui was just staring and waiting for me to put away Bernadette before it hit me back. I told myself, "I just need to either vent or sleep this off"

So I vented...

to multiple people.

Thor is set for Friday night while Las Vegas is for Saturday.

I want so bad to cry because I believe I would feel better after. But I can't justify any tear. Is crying something you decide to do or it just happens when it happens? I have cried before but I honestly can't recall the sequence that leads to that first tear. I remember usually having an overwhelming feeling of some sort and then...floodgate.

I don't even know what to focus my blues on. The delusional diva, the certain someone in the office, or the fact that I miss J-ho and Judo. Maybe all at once and that's why my tear ducts were confused.

I also watched the first episode of Hunting Season and I hated it. If I ever move to New York I won't visit a single gay bar ever. I'd read the Twilight series before these feet step into any gay bar in NY. And I sent the link to Neen even before I myself watched it (>_<). I should tell her not to waste 10 minutes of her life on that piece of garbage.

I found myself talking to Bernadette while I was showering today. As if she's my friend and I was giving her advice and telling her how much of a riot she is, that I 'get' her and how hilarious I find her.  It felt like she was there shaving her legs, talking to me as I was lathering my tired skin with my bamboo loofa. Then I rinsed my body and *poof* I snapped out of it. Bernadette was there no more.

I know that once I finish the book, I will pick up another book and that Bernadette will stop being my friend. Someone else will take her place. That thought alone is depressing and it warrants another piece of fried chicken.